Drown These Demons of Mine So I Can Breathe Again
by ampersandandink
Summary: Sebastian's worst case scenario played out in from of him when Blaine took the slushie for Kurt. He wants to make it right before he loses it all, but saying sorry isn't his thing. Sebastian-centric. Heavy drug and alcohol use.
1. 01 Sebastian

Disclaimer: Guess what. I don't own these characters.  
>Author's Note: Hello there. Taking a small breath from Bittersweet to do this. I'm only planning on there to be one more part, but if Sebastian comes back then I'll probably do more with it.<p>

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><p>It had happened. The worst case scenario had played out in front him. Sebastian thought Blaine might get in the way, but he had hoped Blaine wouldn't. He had hoped Blaine was staring to pull away from Kurt, had assumed so by how frequently they'd talked, but Blaine still pushed Kurt out of the way and took the slushie, right in the eye. The scene replayed over and over again in his mind as he drove some of the Warblers home from the parking garage. Jeff was the last one in his car.<p>

"You should probably call Blaine later, see if he's okay," Jeff suggested as Sebastian turned down his street. Sebastian didn't respond, knowing that Blaine wasn't okay, wasn't going to be okay for a while. Sebastian finally pulled up to Jeff's house. "You know, if you need to talk to-"

"Get out,' Sebastian barked. Jeff sighed and got out of the car. As soon as the passenger side door shut he peeled out of the driveway.

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><p>When Sebastian got home he called out a hello to which he got no reply. He stripped off his blazer as he went into a kitchen. When he flipped on the kitchen lights he found a note that simply read '<em>Be back in a week and a half, Mom &amp; Dad<em>' attached to two hundred dollar bills. Suddenly his appetite was gone.

Leaving the light on, he walked upstairs to his room. He loosened his tie as he went straight into his bathroom. He turned the light on and bent over the sink, splashing some water on his face. When he finally dared to look at himself in the mirror he couldn't stand what he saw. He saw a villain, a monster. He saw a cold blooded beast and he couldn't stand it. He grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on from his counter and threw it at the mirror. He stood there for a second, panting, as he followed the cracks in the mirror that ran over his face. Finally, with a sigh, he turned off the light and went back into his room.

He grabbed a wooden box from his bedside table and made his way downstairs. When he got to his father's den he placed the wooden box on the desk and made his way to the small bar his father kept in the back of the room. He made himself a drink, which he down quickly. He made himself another drink, but took that one and a bottle of vodka to the desk with him. He put down the drink, took his phone out of his pocket and put it on the desk, and took off his tie before sitting down. He then opened the box, pulled out one of his pre-rolled joints and a lighter. He stopped for a second, his eyes darting between the drink and the joint. The thought popped into his head that maybe he shouldn't this time. Maybe he should go a night sober and try to work through his demons. He quickly pushed that thought to the back of his head and deposited the joint between his lips. He let himself wonder how things got so bad. How he'd gotten so bad. He thinks about his childhood. About his relationship with his parents, and his past love interested. He drowns the memories with alcohol and weed in hopes they'd die.

That night Sebastian ended up puking in the trashcan twice and falling asleep at the desk. His phone lay next to his head, one new message in his draft folder.

_**To: Blaine Anderson**_

_**I'm sorry.**_

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><p>A few days later the bitchy Latina from Blaine's new Glee Club came and visited the Warblers, telling them that Blaine was going to have surgery. Sebastian wasn't surprised, but it hit him harder than he expected it to. He dueled with the girl, but he didn't put his heart into like he should have, and even let it slip that he had messed with the slushie he hit Blaine with. On the ride home he made a call to order something, realizing half way through the call what a huge mistake he made by telling her about the rock salt. That night he drank so much he passed out in the hallway outside of his room.<p>

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><p>The next day after Warbler practice he stopped at home for a second before going to visit Blaine. He knocked on the door a few times but got no response. He would have left if he hadn't seen Blaine's car in the driveway. Instead, he opened the door and called out a hello. Besides a groan from upstairs, which he assumed was Blaine, the house was silent. He made his way upstairs to Blaine's room, taking the time to look at all the pictures hung on the wall. Sebastian knew Blaine's family was like his, ashamed that their son was a queer and never home if they could help it. When he found Blaine's room he knocked on the door harshly, receiving another groan. He took that as a sign to come in.<p>

"Kurt?" Blaine groaned as he rolled on to his back.

"Not quite," Sebastian replied as he shut the door quietly.

"Sebastian?" Blaine tried.

"Bingo," Sebastian confirmed, cringing at his choice of words. He was glad that Blaine was half asleep and probably didn't catch it.

"You didn't come to finish me off, did you?" Blaine asked as he flicked on the lamp on his bedside table. Sebastian didn't know what he was expecting Blaine to look like after the slushie, but Blaine in an eye patch had never crossed his mind.

"Believe it or not, no." Sebastian smirked as he stepped forward. "I see you got the flowers I sent you," he said as he nodded to the vase if lilies sitting on Blaine's dresser. Blaine kept a straight face. "Anyways, I came with a sort of…peace offering." Sebastian said as he laid a wooden box on the edge of Blaine's bed.

Blaine looked at the box for a few seconds before looking back up at Sebastian. Sebastian smiled and opened the box before pushing it up the bed more. It took Blaine a second to register what exactly the box held.

"I…I don't think I can take this." Blaine stuttered out as he shut the box. Sebastian moved to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling the box on his lap.

"Why not?"

"I'm not supposed to drink with my medication," Blaine reasoned, his hands grabbing onto the blanket resting on his lap.

"What does the doctor say about smoking weed with your medicine?" Sebastian asked as he grabbed a few joints and a book of matches out of the box. He moved to put the box on Blaine's bedside table, noticing a picture of Kurt.

"It doesn't say anything, but-"

"Come on. I bet that eye hurts something fierce, and this," he said as he picked up a joint, "will help take your mind off things." Sebastian ended his explanation with a smile. Blaine still looked skeptical. "Look, I..." Sebastian started, looking down at his lap where his fingers were twisting the ends of the joint, "That slushie wasn't meant for you, ya know? And I don't really know how to apologize, so…just take this gesture as a sort of…olive branch. From me, to you." Sebastian tried, looking Blaine in the eye and holding out the joint between them, putting on his best puppy dog eyes. Finally Blaine sighed and took the joint from him.

"Fine, but light those candles." He ordered, pointing to the few candles next to the box.

Sebastian's smiled brightly as he set to work lighting the candles, handing one to Blaine to put on the bedside table next to him. When Blaine wasn't looking Sebastian put the picture of Kurt face down. Next, Sebastian slipped off his blazer, plucked the joint from Blaine's hands, placed it between his lips, and lit it. Blaine watched Sebastian inhale, hold it, then exhale. He was entranced by the way the smoke curled in the air. Sebastian smiled at his innocence before passing it to him. As Blaine took his first few puffs Sebastian located his stereo. Sebastian turned it on quickly, attaching his phone and choosing what he thought would be the perfect music for the occasion.

The first joint went quickly. Sebastian lay against Blaine's headboard, sleeves rolled up, laughing with Blaine. As Sebastian started the second joint Blaine went into a story about his first major crush. It ended being Blaine's seventh grade English teacher. Blaine described him as tall, with glasses and slicked back hair, which is what he blamed his gel addiction on. At first Blaine just thought he liked his teacher because for once he was actually learning, but when the wet dreams started he knew that wasn't the case.

In turn Sebastian told the story of his first kiss. Sebastian was in fifth grade, and already knew he liked boys. He had a best friend that wouldn't leave his side. One day after school while they were walking to the boy's house Sebastian brought up kissing, and the idea that maybe they should try kissing each other. The other boy was skeptical at first but finally agreed. When they got to the boys room they tried kissing for a few minutes before playing video games. The next day the boy wouldn't look or talk to Sebastian. When Sebastian finally cornered him, the boy said he had told his parents about their kiss and was instructed to never hang out with Sebastian again. He immediately regretted telling the story after he finished it.

By this point he was laying down facing Blaine. Blaine had gotten a hold of his tie somewhere in the middle of Sebastian's story and was stroking it softly.

"I don't want you to hate me," Sebastian whispered.

"I don't," Blaine shook his head before turning to face Sebastian. "I just don't get it."

"Get what?"

"Why you want me," Blaine supplied.

"Are you kidding? Have you seen you?" Sebastian started softly, Blaine smiling sheepishly. "You're amazing. You're kind and passionate, your voice is amazing, and don't get me started on how beautiful you are," Sebastian clarified for him. "Although I have to say, your hair looks much better without all that gel." He smiled as he let his hand brush back a few stray curls, letting his hand brush through Blaine's hair until he was cupping Blaine's neck. He looked into Blaine's eyes, unable to read it. He felt Blaine swallow under his hand. Sebastian bent his head towards Blaine's until their foreheads were touching. "I know I'm a bad person, but please just give me a chance." He whispered.

He felt Blaine swallow again before leaning in and kissed him. Sebastian brought his hand to cup Blaine's jaw as he scooted closer. Blaine's hand went from Sebastian's tie to Sebastian's hips as he tilted his head to get a better angle. Blaine soon let his tongue lick over Sebastian's bottom lip, pulling Sebastian closer. Sebastian opened his mouth quickly, letting his tongue learn the inside of Blaine's mouth. Sebastian knew he was good with his mouth, and he was more than excited to show Blaine his unique talents. He finally sucked Blaine's bottom lip into his mouth, biting it lightly before letting it go and ending the kiss.

Sebastian opened his eyes to see Blaine still had his closed. He ran his thumb over Blaine's cheekbone as he felt Blaine's hot puffs of breath on his lips. When Blaine finally opened his eye Sebastian couldn't breathe.

"No," Blaine breathed out quickly. "I can't," He continued to whisper as he took his hand off Sebastian's hip.

"Wha-"

"This can't happen." Blaine said a little louder as he took Sebastian's hand off his face and began to sit up. Sebastian was quick to follow. "You…you did this on purpose." Blaine starting, saying it as soon as his mind made it up. "You came here…a-and you got me high so you could-"

"No I didn't," Sebastian tried, hoping he wouldn't lose everything he had just gained. "I wasn't even the one who-"

"Get out." Blaine command, though there was no bite in his bark.

"Blaine," Sebastian started, reaching his hand out. Blaine quickly smacked it away.

"Get out of my house. Now." Blaine ordered with more authority. Sebastian stared at him for a minute before collecting his blazer and running out of the house.

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><p>On his ride home he had to pull over to puke. When he did get home, he immediately went upstairs and changed, grabbed his fake ID, and went straight to Scandals. He did seven lines of cocaine that night and let two guys whose names he didn't know fuck him in the bathroom. When he got home he passed out at the bottom of the stairs.<p> 


	2. 02 Sebastian

**Disclaimer:** Guess what. I don't own these characters.  
><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Hello there. So, the response from the last chapter is that it was horrible and I had no right, and I can only hope you feel the same way about this chapter. I was going to end it here but I feel like maybe I need a third chapter, if someone wants it. Thank you to my beautiful beta dani_elizabethx on LJ.

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><p>The morning after Blaine's surgery Sebastian found himself in his uniform pacing the hospital's hallway outside of Blaine's room, bouquet of lilies in hand. He had looked through the small window in the door and saw Blaine lying there. He wanted to go in, but he knew he was probably the last person Blaine wanted to see. So he started walking up and down the hallway, arguing with himself about whether to go in or not. Finally he took a seat outside of the room, going over what he was going to say in his head. After a half hour of coming up with nothing a nurse finally noticed him.<p>

"Hi," the nurse greeted. Sebastian blinked out of his haze and looked up at her. "Are you here to see Blaine?"

"I…y-yeah," Sebastian stuttered as he stood up, "but I need to go." He panicked, handing the bouquet to her.

"Do you want me to tell him you were here?" She asked. Sebastian shook his head and took off down the hallway. She watched him disappear before checking to see if there was a card to go with the flowers. She couldn't find one. She went into Blaine's room to check on him, Blaine starting to stir at the sound of the door. The nurse was quick to tell him where he was and that he was safe before adding the flowers to the vase next to his bed that already held two roses. "Someone came to see you this morning," she informed him as she started checking the machines next to him.

"But I wasn't awake," Blaine mumbled. "Who was it?"

"I'm not sure. He was in the Dalton uniform though. He left right before I came in." She finished up and leaned down to kiss his forehead. "Now get some rest."

"Thank you Mrs. Hudson," Blaine smiled softly. She smiled at him, telling him to call her Carole, before leaving. He sighed before turning to see a vase full of flowers that he didn't see yesterday. He saw that they're lilies and he immediately knew who came to visit him.

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><p>Sebastian texted Blaine every day after he went to the hospital. If it was earlier in the day the texts would be polite. A simple 'what's up?' or 'how's your eye?'. If it was later in the day, and Sebastian wasn't completely sober, the texts would look more like 'I know you liked that kiss just as much as I did" and "please let me in again". No matter what the messages read he never got a reply. Blaine's silence and his parent's absence and neglect led Sebastian to Scandal's some nights, and the men's restroom in the park on other nights.<p>

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><p>Valentine's Day was coming up. The Warblers spent most of their practices talking about their plans for the special night. A few were talking about a party at Breadstix that someone from New Directions was throwing. A few said they were going, and joked that Sebastian probably had a three guys waiting for him so he'd be too busy to show up. Sebastian smiled and told them it was actually five guys, when in reality there was only one guy Sebastian wanted. Sebastian scheduled another bouquet of lilies to be sent to him for Valentine's.<p>

Sebastian decided to show up at Breadstix. He got there late and sat in his car, starting to have second thoughts. New Directions were in there, which meant Blaine might be in there. Blaine might be in there with Kurt. He rolled down his window, pulled out a cigarette, and lit it. Half way through it something caught his eye. He looked over to see Blaine walking up to the door.

"Blaine," he called out before he could stop himself. Blaine stopped at the sound of his name, looking around for the source. He hurried to get out of his car, running up to catch up to Blaine.

"Sebastian? What are you doing here?" Blaine asked when Sebastian finally got to him. Sebastian stopped for a second to take in Blaine's attire. The red bowtie, the fedora, and of course a heart shaped eye patch. Sebastian never wanted to kiss him as much as he did right now.

"I heard someone was throwing a party, thought I'd stop by." Sebastian shrugged.

"Well, it's a party for couples so there's no reason why you should be here." Blaine sneered before turning and walking toward the doors.

"Are we ever gonna talk about it?" Sebastian called after him. Blaine stopped in his tracks. "You can pretend like it didn't happen, but it did. And we both know I didn't start it." Sebastian could see Blaine tense up, shaking slightly. Finally Blaine kept walking, going into Breadstix. Sebastian stood outside, watching as Blaine sang to Kurt, eventually pulling Kurt out of his seat to sing with him.

Sebastian left after the song finished, not wanting to stick around to see what else might happen. Instead Sebastian went to Scandals, which was packed. He orders drink after drink, and even though a few guys hit on him he blows them all off. He left Scandals early, not surprised to find an empty house when he got home. He ended up passing out on his couch with the television set on the Lifetime channel.

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><p>Sebastian continued to text Blaine. He knew Blaine was never going to reply but for some reason he felt better after hitting the send button. Sometimes Sebastian would check Blaine's facebook to see if he was still alive. Blaine never replied and Sebastian never stopped trying.<p>

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><p>Regionals were coming up, and if Blaine wasn't going to talk to Sebastian, then he was free to terrorize New Directions as he pleased. He had met with Kurt and the loud girl that always tagged along with him, showed them the picture he was kind enough to make for them. He felt slightly bad for the girl, but if Kurt got Blaine then why shouldn't Sebastian get Regionals?<p>

Then one night he got home from Warbler practice to find his parents sitting in the dining room, asking him to come, sit. He cautiously took a seat, noticing there wasn't any food on the table, so this wasn't going to be one of their awkward family dinners. They tell him about someone named David who tried to commit suicide because he was bullied for being gay. For some reason the name rings a bell but he can't put a face to it. His parents ask him if he's being bullied or was contemplating something like that. He wants to say he's right on the edge, but instead he says no. His parents say they love him, and even though he doesn't believe them he says it back. They then dismiss him.

He went upstairs and logged onto facebook to see if anyone else had heard the news. It seems some of the Dalton boys had heard and were shocked, and while some of the New Direction had posted statuses about it Kurt and Blaine stayed quiet. Sebastian sent Blaine a text asking if he was okay, but got no response. After replying to some messages he closed his laptop, and started on his homework. An hour later when he was half way through his essay for history he remember exactly who David Karofsky was and exactly what he said to him.

Suddenly Sebastian felt terrible. He had gotten off pretty easy when it came to bullies. He'd only been bullied a couple times, but it wasn't anything he couldn't easily brush off. His parents did their fair share of bullying, but nothing so bad he'd wanted to die. He chose alcohol over a gun and drugs over a razor. Sebastian remembered the chubby boy on Valentine's Day that he quickly debased before moving onto his next drink. It wasn't the worst thing Sebastian had ever said, but he was part of the cause. It made him feel sick and he was determined to do something about it.

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><p>The meeting with McKinley's resident gays hadn't gone as well as he hoped. He had told Blaine he was sorry. He can't remember the last time those words came out of his mouth, but he said them for Blaine, in front of people. Blaine quickly blew him off, disgust shining clear in his eyes. He had told them he was done with being petty and was dedicating the Warbler's performance to Karofsky and taking donations for charity. The group seemed somewhat pleased by the news, though they still looked at Sebastian like he was the scum of the earth.<p>

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><p>The texts from Sebastian to Blaine never stopped. It had become part of his daily routine. Go to first period, ignore the lecture, text Blaine. Go to lunch, eat half of it, text Blaine. Go home, get drunk, text Blaine. He didn't really think about it anymore, and definitely never expected anything reply, so when Blaine did finally text him back Sebastian was shocked. It was the morning of regionals and Blaine had sent a quick 'Good luck' text. Sebastian assumed it was part of a mass text but it still made him feel warm inside. He replied with a simple 'Thank you' and left his house to go to McKinley.<p>

Sebastian loved to perform, and even though he wasn't thrilled with their choreography, he put on his winning smile and gave it his all. Blaine's text helped his smile. Then he spotted some of the New Directions getting into the song, standing and clapping along. He knew they still didn't like him but he soaked up their support and smiled wider.

Despite his best efforts the Warblers lost. Second wasn't bad, but it wasn't first either. Sebastian smiled when he caught Blaine looking at him before they announced the winner, but as soon as that god damn vampire said that McKinley had won the smile was wiped from his face. He stood with his fellow Warbler's, accepting the second place trophy and watching as New Directions jumped around in joy. Before he knew what was happening Blaine had walked over and they were shaking hands. Then Blaine was back over with Kurt, hugging and cheering.

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><p>The ride back to Dalton was quiet and tense. They put the trophy in their choir room, patted each other on the back, and dispersed to go home. As soon as Sebastian got into his car his phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket to see his mother was calling. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before answering.<p>

"Hello?"

"Sebastian, where are you?" His mother questioned. He clenched his eyes shut.

"I told you yesterday that I had regionals today." He answered.

"Oh, that's right. And how did that go?"

"We came in second," Sebastian sighed. He could only imagine the look that's going to be on his father's face when he hears they came in second. His father was never fond of his singing. He thought it was stupid and a waste of time, and if Sebastian was going to do an after school activity then why can't it be some kind of sport.

"What a shame," his mother replied. Sebastian could hear her eyes rolling. "Anyways, the Stevens called and invited your father and me to dinner, so we'll be home late." Sebastian knew he had probably been invited as well, but didn't say anything.

"Have fun." Sebastian said with a forced smile before hanging up on her. He leaned back against his seat, closed his eyes, and took a few deep breaths. When finally opened his eyes he saw Jeff standing outside of Nick's car, watching him. He blinked at him for a second before starting his own car and driving home.

When he got home he noticed another car in the driveway. At first he wondered if his parents hadn't left yet, but then he realized whose car it was. He walked up to his house to find Blaine Anderson in a suit on his front porch.

"Is it my birthday or something?" Sebastian said before he can stop himself. Blaine let out a small laugh and it wasn't until then that Sebastian didn't know how much he missed Blaine's smile.

"No, actually, I thought I should return this." Blaine smiled while holding up Sebastian's wooden box. "It actually helped a lot with my pain." Sebastian stepped closer to Blaine and took his box back. "I think Kurt was starting to get suspicious." Blaine said, quieter this time.

"As he should be." Sebastian said in his own quiet tone. "Where is that pesky boyfriend of yours?"

"We have a couple hours before the wedding so he's visiting Dave." Blaine explained.

"That would explain the suit," Sebastian almost smiled as he nodded to Blaine's outfit. He looked down at the box for a second. "Since you've got some time, do you want to come inside and smoke with me?"

"I…yeah, I do." Blaine agreed.

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><p>They ended up in his father's den. Blaine looked at all the books, every once in a while pulling one off the shelf and flipping through it, while Sebastian shed his jacked and sat at the desk so he could roll a few joints. When he was done he called Blaine over. Blaine took off his jacket and set it on the back of the chair before taking a seat on the desk. Sebastian started it, taking a few puffs before passing it to Blaine. They finished the joint in silence. Sebastian had the second join in one hand and the matchbook in the other, keeping his eyes on the desk.<p>

"I think…I think I'm ready to talk about it." Blaine finally said, slightly louder than a whisper, as he smoothed down his slacks.

"So talk about it." Sebastian nodded. Without looking up at Blaine, he put the joint and the matchbook down on the desk.

"I…kissed you," Blaine started. "I kissed you and I have a boyfriend. I kissed you and I liked it. I-I kissed you and I want kiss you again…but I can't."

"Because you have a boyfriend" Sebastian stated rather than asked.

"Because he loves me." He said quietly as he curled into himself slightly.

"Do you love him?" Sebastian asked quietly, pushing his chair backwards to get a good look at Blaine.

"Yes." Blaine whispered.

"But not enough." Sebastian added for him, tilting his head a bit.

"He's done a lot for me." Blaine shook his head.

"All he did was take you away from Dalton."

"Just stop, okay?" Blaine almost yelled, standing up and start to walk away. Sebastian followed him. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"No you don't know what you're talking about," Sebastian shot back, grabbing Blaine's arm and spinning him around to look him in the eye. "You may have loved him at one time, but you don't anymore. You're just staying with because you feel obligated to. You can say you're not, but I know you are, an-" Sebastian was cut off by Blaine grabbing his face and pulling him into a kiss.

Blaine quickly broke the kiss, keeping his hand on Sebastian's face. Sebastian lowered his forehead onto Blaine's. They were both breathing hard. Sebastian grabbed Blaine's tie.

"Don't. Please…please don't." Blaine whispered, shaking his head. "I need to get to the wedding." Blaine said, starting to pull away.

"Blaine-"

"No. It's not…it's fine. I'm not mad at you or anything, I just, I need to get over there so Rachel doesn't kill me." Blaine explained before turning to go. Sebastian started to cross the room back to the desk quickly.

"Wait," Sebastian called, "don't forget your jacket." He picked up the jacket, the forgotten joint, and the matchbook. Sebastian walked up to where Blaine was standing in the doorway, handing him his jacket, before following him down the hall to the front door. "So, are you going to tell Kurt about us?" Sebastian asked with a smirk before putting the joint in between his lips.

"There is no us." Blaine smiled.

"Sure there isn't," Sebastian smiled around the joint. Sebastian stood on his porch and watched Blaine walked to his car. Sebastian took the joint out of his mouth for a second. "You know this means I won't stop trying, right?" Sebastian yelled out to Blaine.

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Blaine smiled back before getting into his car.

Sebastian put the joint back in his mouth and lit it before taking a seat on his front steps. He thought about Blaine's lips on his for a minute, and decided that maybe losing regionals wasn't that bad.

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><p><strong>Author's note<strong>: So, yeah. Not sure about that ending. Like I said, if someone wants another chapter I'll write it, but if not then this is good. Maybe it'll just nag at me until I right it more. Anyways, thanks for reading.


	3. Blaine

**Author's Note: **It's been a while, yeah? Well, for this story I have at least two more chapters planned. I might continue it when season four starts if people want that. Anyways, this chapter is in Blaine's perspective.

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><p>Blaine had jumped in front of Kurt without even thinking. He didn't regret it though, because it was no normal slushie, and he couldn't imagine Kurt getting hurt like that. He blamed himself. He should have kept his mouth shut about their regionals plans, but after really getting to know Sebastian, Blaine had a hard time keeping his mouth shut about anything.<p>

Everyone thought Sebastian was a bad guy, which is exactly what he wanted them to think, but Blaine knew better. After talking to Sebastian alone he quickly saw through Sebastian's smirk. Where Kurt has a supportive family, Sebastian had an absent family, which Blaine could relate too. Sebastian hated himself, which Blaine could relate to. It scared Blaine slightly how similar they were. Blaine couldn't give Sebastian exactly what he wanted, but he could be his friend. Blaine figured Sebastian needed friends rather than lovers.

But for some reason Sebastian couldn't handle not having Blaine, and now Blaine was laying in the ER, and for some reason Blaine can only blame himself.

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><p>The week before Blaine's surgery was a blur to him. Between his pain medication and oversleeping, he barely remembers any of it. He remembers Kurt getting good news, and then him, Finn, and Rachel singing him a Michel Jackson song. He also remembers flowers getting sent to him, except they weren't Kurt's usual roses. The card said it was from SS. Half of him hoped they were from Sebastian, the other half hoped he imagined them.<p>

Then one night Sebastian showed up. He had a wooden box and a smile. He confirmed he sent the flowers and offered Blaine some weed as 'olive branch'. Blaine had never done drugs, but that didn't mean he wasn't curious. He always thought that if he were to do drugs, it would be in college at some party with a hunky straight guy who was going to fuck him after they finished smoking. Blaine declined the first offer, but after seeing how desperate Sebastian was to have Blaine accept him, he agreed.

Sebastian put on music and Blaine got lost in watching the tricks Sebastian could do with the smoke. Blaine noticed that he became talkative when he was high, not unlike when he was drunk. For some reason unknown to him, he told a story about his first crush. A teacher he had a crush on in middle school. In return Sebastian told a sad story. He wasn't sure why Sebastian told the story, but Blaine was glad he did. It reminded him of the real Sebastian. Somehow they ended up laying down, Sebastian's tie in his hand.

Then Blaine kissed him. He kissed Sebastian, and pulled him closer. Blaine blamed it all on medication and weed and opened his mouth to Sebastian. He let himself get lost again for a minute, but then he realized what he was doing. He pushed Sebastian away from his as quickly as he could, blaming him for this sudden mess and ordering him out of his house. Sebastian was quick to follow Blaine's orders with little protest.

Blaine sat in his bed, knees pressed to his chest, trying to pull himself together. When he finally looked around the room he noticed the candles were still burning and that Sebastian had left his box. Blaine blew out the candles and fell asleep cuddling the box. When Blaine finally woke up it was three in the morning. His mind was hazy and his mouth was dry. He stumbled into the bathroom to get a glass of water before laying back down.

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><p>Blaine went into his surgery disgusted with himself. Although he was relieved Sebastian hadn't tried to contact him since their kiss, the fact also worried him. He knew what Sebastian thought of himself, and how he acted when his emotions got the best of him. He was happy, though, when he woke up to find a vase full of lilies next to his hospital bed.<p>

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><p>Then the texts started. Every day, all day, Sebastian texted Blaine. Although he never replied, Blaine always found a small smile on his face when he read the messages. Kurt had been busy with school and NYADA stuff, and had only visited him twice after his surgery, but Blaine was also busy with sleeping and vision therapy so he didn't mind. Instead Blaine let Sebastian's texts keep him company as he stroked the top of the wooden box Sebastian had left.<p>

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><p>Valentine's day was coming up, and Blaine was ready for his grand return. He had even called Sugar to set it up, though that was a phone conversation he hoped he would never have to go through again. Now that he was weaning off his medication Sebastian's texts became more annoying, and somewhat alarming, but he would deal with that later. Right now was about him and Kurt.<p>

Blaine spent most of Valentine's day shopping for an outfit to wear for the party. He got home to find a vase of lilies on his doorstep. He stared at it for a few minutes before taking it inside. He debated taking it to his room, but he knew Kurt was going to more than likely come over afterwards, so he set the vase on his dining room table before turning to go upstairs. He stopped for a second, going back to the table and grabbing a lily, then going back upstairs to get changed.

Eventually the time came to go to Breadstix. When he got there he heard a song starting, so he figured he had a few minutes to relax before going in. He reached for the eye patch he brought. The last one he'll ever have to wear, hopefully. Finally he put it on and got out of the car. He walked for a few seconds before he heard his name being called, but by who? Wasn't everyone inside? This was supposed to be a surprise. He knew Sugar would screw it up. But then Sebastian popped up out of nowhere, and no. This was not supposed to happen. This was Kurt's night. He tried to let Sebastian know he wasn't welcome, but Sebastian still reminded him that they have unfinished business. Blaine didn't reply though, just kept walking. He was relieved to see Kurt, happy to sing and dance with him. It was nice being around Kurt. It was comfortable.

After the festivities ended Kurt did go home with Blaine. They immediately went to Blaine's room, shedding their jackets on the way. Kurt opened the door and walked in cautiously.

"What's that?" Kurt asked as he moved to sit on the bed. Confused, Blaine looked over to see Sebastian's box lying in the middle of his bed. He quickly crossed the room and snatched the box off his bed.

"It's…my dad's. I…kind of took it from him without asking." Blaine lied. He felt his stomach drop at his easy lie.

"Well, leaving it out in the open is a good way to get caught," Kurt smiled at him. Blaine smiled back right away, putting the box in a dresser draw. "I have something I need to tell you." Kurt said seriously, out of nowhere.

"Is everything okay?" Blaine asked as he undid his bowtie. Suddenly he panicked. What if Kurt knows? What if he saw Sebastian outside of Breadstix? What if Sebastian told him?

"Everything's fine, just…something happened and I feel bad. I mean, I shouldn't, but I can't help it." Kurt explained in a deflated tone. Blaine relaxed slightly at his answer, walking over to Kurt's side of the bed.

"What happened?" Blaine asked as he started undoing the button's on Kurt's vest.

Kurt tells him about the weeklong showering of gifts, and how he thought they were all from Blaine. About how he thought he would be meeting up with Blaine, but it turned out to be Karofsky. About how Kurt felt terrible for letting him down, but how there was nothing else he could do. Blaine assured him he did the right thing, but in his head Blaine was kicking himself. Why couldn't he have thought of showering Kurt with gifts? Especially since he knows how Kurt feels about Valentine's day. He knows he should be kicking himself for a completely different reason, but he pushes the aside as he peels off his shirt and ducks down to kiss Kurt.

They have sex, but there's something off about it. Blaine can't put his finger on it, but for it being the most romantic day of the year, there really wasn't any romance. It ends too quickly and Kurt almost immediately fell asleep afterwards. Blaine stayed awake for a few hours, tossing and turning, trying not to think of Sebastian.

Finally he got up, being careful not to wake Kurt. He pulled on a sweater and grabbed a joint and matchbox from his dresser draw. He soon found himself on his back porch. He sat down on the steps, lit the joint, and let his real guilt set in. Kurt hadn't even cheated but he felt compelled to tell Blaine everything as soon as possible. Blaine had cheated. Blaine cheated and he couldn't blame anyone but himself, and telling Kurt was the furthest thing from his mind. He smoked the joint quickly and willed himself not to cry.

When he finally crawled back into bed he snuggled up behind Kurt.

"Where'd you go?" Kurt mumbled.

"I'm sorry." Blaine whispered into Kurt's shoulder.

"It's okay," Kurt assured him, pushing back into Blaine's chest. "Just don't leave again. It's cold without you." Blaine wanted to tell Kurt he wouldn't stray again, but he wasn't sure he could keep that promise.

* * *

><p>Apparently their brief conversation outside of Breadstix had done nothing to hinder Sebastian's hopes because his texts were still coming. Sometimes Blaine didn't mind, and other times Blaine wanted to throw his phone into the nearest wall. Some nights Blaine would smoke some of Sebastian's weed and type up texts that looked like emails. His finger would hover over the send button but he never actually found the courage to push it. Along with his conflicting emotions, Kurt was also starting to become a problem. Not that he was actually the problem, but he was getting suspicious of who exactly was texting Blaine ten times a day. Blaine ended up changing Sebastian's name to 'Dad' in his phone.<p>

* * *

><p>Blaine thought everything was finally getting back to normal. Blaine thought wrong. Suddenly Kurt and Rachel were storming into the choir room with a naked picture of Finn, Sebastian's name hot on their tongues, and he was furious with himself all over again. He wasn't sure if Sebastian was out to get him or all of New Directions, but he knew it was his fault. He saw Finn getting angry and fighting with Rachel and he hated it because he knew it was his fault. He tried to forget about it, but he could feel his anger building. Finally, after school, he sang his frustration to the only person he wanted to listen. He felt better afterwards, but it wasn't enough. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He came close to calling Sebastian, but ended up at Kurt's watching some reality show.<p>

* * *

><p>Then everything breaks down. Dave tried to commit suicide and no one knows what to do. He got one text from Sebastian the day the word got out, a simple 'I heard about Dave. Are you okay?', and Blaine almost replied. Kurt blames himself, and Blaine spent that night holding him and telling him otherwise. He doesn't tell Kurt that Blaine knows what Dave is going through and that he almost did the same thing once. Figures it wouldn't help anyone.<p>

As the days go on, he offers to help Kurt in any way possible, but Kurt tells him he needs some time to himself and leaves to go pray with The God Squad. Blaine decided to spend his free time with the school's gym's punching bag.

Sebastian had contacted Santana to set up some kind of meeting. Blaine decided to go, hoping his presence would stop whatever Sebastian had planned next.

Blaine walked in with his jaw set, expecting the worst, but as soon as Blaine looked at Sebastian he knew this meeting was going to be different. The first thing Sebastian did was apologize to Blaine. He had already shown he was sorry, but there was something different about hearing the actual words. Blaine felt sick, but he pushed the feeling down and shoved Sebastian apology aside.

Sebastian told them he deleted the pictures of Finn and what he was going to do to help Dave, and that made Blaine feel worse. He kept a straight face during the drive home, but as soon as he was alone in his room he started breathing heavy. Sebastian was finally done with the tricks and games. Sebastian was finally becoming the person he only showed Blaine during late night phone calls, and if this new Sebastian was here to stay, Blaine wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He let his emotions run wild for an hour before pushing them deep down, like he'd learn to do years ago.

* * *

><p>Regionals came and Blaine was actually kind of excited. He focused on the performance rather than Sebastian and everything that came with him. He would be lying if he said he didn't like watching Sebastian perform. It gave him a warm feeling in his chest to see Sebastian smiling up on stage amongst the Warblers. He had heard what the other boys had said about Sebastian behind his back, and he was sure Sebastian had heard them too, but seeing them work together made him happier than he had been in a while. The happiness stayed with him through New Direction's performance, even growing when he saw Sebastian and the rest of the warblers cheering him on.<p>

It came as no surprise that New Directions won. Before Blaine knew what he was doing, he walked over and shook Sebastian's hand. His mind started racing the second their hands connected. He wanted to hug Sebastian and kiss Sebastian. He wanted to hear how proud Sebastian was of him, but then he remembered his boyfriend's name was Kurt and not Sebastian, so he let go.

Blaine had suggested to Kurt they celebrate their win, but instead Kurt said he was going to visit Dave. Blaine offered to come, but Kurt told him it was probably better if he didn't.

Blaine wasn't sure if that's what sparked it, but that's how he chose to remember it. Kurt's rejection led Blaine to put his suit on and go visit Sebastian. Blaine tried to tell Sebastian that no matter what he felt or wanted that he and Sebastian could never happen. Being Blaine, his argument was weak, and Sebastian easily broke it. Sebastian easily broke him, and Blaine kissed him to shut him up - to stop him from persuading Blaine to ruin his life. Blaine left quickly after that, Sebastian smirking and yelling and shaking Blaine's confidence in his relationship more than he should be.

The wedding didn't happen, which relieved Blaine. Their time slot came and when and no Quinn. Rachel let everyone go home, and Kurt decided to go home with Blaine. They decided to take a nap before figured out what to eat for dinner. Kurt cuddled up to Blaine's chest and quickly fell asleep while Blaine stayed awake. Blaine though of what would have happened if Finn and Rachel got married. He was sure that it would have come back to blow up in their faces. It made him think of his Christmas present to Kurt, and if it had actually been an engagement ring. What it would have been like if it was him and Kurt standing at the alter instead of Finn and Rachel. He imagined the minister talking, and Blaine not hearing any of it because Sebastian was sitting in the front row, staring at him with wounded eyes. Blaine let a tear slip down his cheek before he made himself show the image to the back of his mind and forced himself to fall asleep.


End file.
